Burn it to the ground! bad friends trio
by Minosu
Summary: This is a very watered-down version of what i think the bft would do at a bar. fails incredibly.


_Screech!!! _

The tomato red convertible jerked to a jerked to a stop in front of the Beischmidt household. Three rapid honks lured the Awesome one outside, climbing in to make a total of three bad friends in Francis's car. Really, none of them should have been driving (between the three of them they'd a multitude of arrests and tickets. Not exactly surprising concidering that one was exceedlingly easily distracted, another's tendency to break major laws just 'cause he's awesome, and the fact that the other often had police officers chase him down intentionally, just so he could harass them. Specifically, British police officers.)

Antonio cranked up the radio as loud as possible, because not one of the three cared at all.

After cruising a while, wind sweeping their hair back, their car skidded to a stop in front of a local bar. Oh yes, tonight would be great.

The three friends sauntered out of the car and into the building. Fabulous, Awesome, and Passionate glittering by passerby as they entered the brick pub.

//////

The bar owner was cleaning the countertops when it all began. When _they _entered. A horrified look took over the man's features as his three least favorite clients slid into their usual spots. _This will be a long night_… He thought.

Keg after keg, these three would slowly dismantle his bar, making the absolute largest possible mess that three men who are drunk to the point they can't see could make.

This was not to be underestimated; it was a surprisingly large amount of damage. Sort of like a large, angry bull, or a small tornado.

He cringed as he heard the silver haired one speak. "Yo! Waiter! Three beers!" followed by his sinester laughter "Kesesesesese…"

The brunette behind him waved energetically. The blond man blew a kiss that the waiter was careful to dodge. _Ugh… These three…_ "Would that be to go or for-"

The silver haired man interrupted him in mid sentence, silencing his hopes to get off early that night. "For here, not to go. Oh! And some hot wings!"

The defeated waiter bowed his head. "They'll be with you shortly." He murmured as he gave the trio an icy sidelong glance before going to get their drinks. _This indeed will be a long night…_ he thought for the second time.

-ten minutes later-

They sat at their tables with their beer, enjoying themselves. Which in the bad friends trio's terms meant torturing all who came near. Prussia's crimson eyes sparkled with an awful idea.

"Oi! Frenchy!" Prussia nearly shouted "bet I could beat your ass hard in a drinking competition!"

"Eh? But Gilbo, it doesn't take hardly anything at all to make Francis hard~!" Spain laughed jokingly, receiving an agreeing look from nearly everyone in the room.

"_Mi amor, _it is on now!" Francis chuckled, raising his wine glass high in the air.

The bewildered bartender stared them down. _And so it begins…_ he could feel his headache already.

"The loser pays for all of our drinks?" Gilbert demanded more than asked "And he has to be the winner's slave for the rest of the week."

"Gilbo, are you sure you want that? Francis'll probably show up in a maid's outfit."

-20 minutes later-

By this time both Prussia and France were almost drunk. They'd probably consumed more than half of the bar's supply in one go.

"Ready to admit defeat, _mon peteit _Gilbert?"

"Not at all, French-o." He replied, pulling Gilbird out of his pocket and placing the small chick on his head for extra concentration as he sipped more beer.

The tired bartender was almost afraid to go over and inform the drunken albino of his regulations. Creeping over wearily, the words dropped from his mouth. "Sir, no animals are allowed in the pub…"

Gilbert raised his eyebrows and sneered at the poor man. "Aw, but he's family! You don't wanna separate a _family,_ do you?" He took the man by the collar, a crazy look in his eyes. "I'd had enough family separation from the Wall. You wanna separate me from my bird?"

The result of was an absolutely terrified bartender cowering behind his menu, concealing his face. "N-no sir…"

"Kesesesese…. Good boy." Gil patted his head as if he were a puppy. "More beer." He ordered.

"Ahahahahaha!" Spain giggled, totally drunk by now, stood up on the table and held his glass of rum at his eye level.

"_Mon cher, _what are you-"

The Frenchman was silenced when Antonio began unbuttoning his shirt to the beat of the song playing on the radio.

"Woot! Toni! Take it _off!_" Gilbert howled, putting both arms in the air in encouragement of the stripping Spaniard.

The antagonized bartender ventured over once more. "Excuse me, but he shouldn't be removing his clothing-"

"A'course he should! Toni's a hottie!" Gilbird chirped to his owner as he snaked an arm around the man.

Francis murmured in agreement. "He has ze cutest butt." France also put an arm around the unoccupied shoulder of the bartender. "Sit down, you'll see!" Francis grabbed the waiter's butt with his free hand, fully intending to molest him later.

The poor man opened his mouth to protest and was silenced by Antonio's newly removed shirt hitting him in the face. He silently sulked. "Sirs, can I interest you in leaving?"

He got three drunken replies at once. "No."

France pulled him tighter. "But can I interest you in leaving _with_ us?" he winked.

"Eh… can I… get you some more beer?" he asked, seeing his escape

Prussia turned and swatted his butt as he turned to leave. "Eh, Francy already lost the contest. See ya!"

He was followed by a half naked Spain who was almost crying in his drunken state about something like how Lovi would kill him when he got home, but somehow still looked cheerful.

France, however, stayed at the bar all night to pay a very large fee, in the way Francis tended to pay for things. This included some handcuffs, a maids outfit, a few condoms, and some disturbing noises to all who were unfortunate enough to hear him and the waiter.

* * *

Okay, this was meant to follow the Nickelback song "Burn it to the Ground" because i think it describes the bad friends trio perfectly. Sorry if this failed incredibly, it's just hard to think of druken dialouge for these three -_-" aaanywaaaay... thanks for reading!


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